Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the PA
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Landman they say.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that a fat bonus check soon would be there.

The Leasors were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of royalties danced in their heads.
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a triple rig, eight frac tanks and other strange gear.

With a big Cat bulldozer, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be Chesapeake.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
and whistled, shouted, and called me a rude name!

"Now Mister! now, Missus!, the pad we'll be fix’en!
Oh, Come on!  Haven’t the lease you been read’en!
To the top of the page! to the top of the clause!
Now dash away! Dash away! It’s all by PA laws!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up above the house-top to the crown block they flew,
With a belt full of Tools, all the Roughnecks there too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard it’s the truth
The prancing and pawing of each muddy boot..
As I drew in my head, and was just turning around,
Down the drive the Landman came with an old hound.

He was dressed all in denim, from his head to his foot,
with his reputation tarnished from screwing this old coot.
A bundle of Leases he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
with his Chevy pickup as white as the snow.

The stump of a cigar he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed, as he was so in love with his self!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had much to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
putting coal in all the stockings, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger aside for a short pause,
said “You should’a read the Force Majeure clause!”.!

He sprang to his pickup, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Happy Christmas sucker, try to have a good-night!"